We're expected to feel very sorry for this tireless saviour of humanity and how much he's sacrificed, but a pair of talking hands intermittently yelling "the Alpha Ceph!" isn't really a good enough reason to do so.īut hey, who's in this malarkey for the plot anyway? Crysis games are about making our PCs bleed, for chaining our graphics cards to sex-crucifixes and whipping them into a state of agonised euphoria, right? I'd entirely agree, were the game not as determined as it is to force its lore-lost scifiballs into my face. It's a shame the game couldn't be similarly brief about explaining it). Every line of his dialogue involves exclaiming "the Alpha Ceph!" in some form. You, meanwhile, play as returning Crysis 2 protagonist Prophet, who by this point is a memory of a man haunting a half-cyborg, half-alien and faceless body. He's there to be the game's attempted heart and soul, a mouthpiece for pompous discussion of what it means to be human, but couldn't some other character have taken on that role, instead of sacrificing the only source of levity and humour to shoegazing and soapboxing? In fairness he regains a little something of his old spirit very late in the game, but waiting several hours to hear him finally call someone a bell-end isn't quite enough to redeem him. I'm usually all for character development, but Crysis: Warhead's half-mad star now comes across as a chubby binman who's in a piss because Arsenal just lost at home. It says much that the Crysis series' only memorable character, Cyborg Ross Kemp, cockney hardnut Psycho, is here transformed from merry misanthrope to lovelorn sulk, separated from his Nanosuit and relegated to moany cutscenes, radiocomms and COD-aping follow-the-leader sequences. Wearing its Modern Warfare influences on its nanofibre sleeve, it gangster-growls and buzzword-babbles without even an iota of self-awareness. The stupidest games are so often the ones which take themselves most seriously, aren't they? Crysis 3, a game about being a flightless Superman with lots of guns and a rapidly-depleting energy meter, takes itself very seriously indeed.
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"System X Nano Alpha Ceph Mindcarrier," says the other man. It's out now in the US, and tomorrow in the UK. Crysis 3: a first-person shooter set in a post-apocalyptic, alien-invaded New York, in which you wear a Nanosuit which enables you to temporarily become invisible, damage-resistant or able to leap moderately-sized walls in a single bound.